RTTE: The Edge of Nothing
by cgsmithmo
Summary: S4 Ep 13 After Hiccups' plan to take down the trappers unravels, Astrid begins to have doubts. Just when her feelings have been realized, she may yet lose everything... *One Shot*


**The Edge of Nothing**

"Come on guys, I, -think they need to discuss a final strategy... _Alone!_ " She was instantly grateful to her battle-sister...Because...Because…

Something had been building all day. No, it had actually been longer than that. -But this day especially. Hiccup had worked so long and so hard on this plan. His father had heartily approved, so had Gobber and the other riders. -Attacking the trappers from three sides, -and all at once...it was a solid plan...A great plan...It, -it was brilliant! -But...

To see it unravel slowly before their very eyes...It was disheartening. She could see the frustration on Hiccups' face. But Oðin bless him, he had soldiered on...Right until the end. The capture of Viggo had been a small concession...Very small, it had turned out...As he started spouting off at the mouth about how Ryker had gone mad, how he wanted to help them...As if! -In the end, they were left with...Well, - _nothing!_

Of course they couldn't trust him. But still, in the back of her mind...There was a bit of truth in his words. And in the back of her mind she couldn't help the sickening thought that, -maybe...Maybe they _had_ to listen...And _that_ she realized, had been part of his strategy all along. To get them to doubt themselves, to second guess themselves. She had to grudgingly give him some credit. For it had led them on more that one wild-Terror chase…

So now, standing in the middle of, -well, -nothing...What could they do? It had seemed so close. So close they could touch it. Now she was left with a crushing feeling in her chest. A feeling...Something had been growing in her chest, -more so over the last few weeks. Something she'd dare not recognize for a long, long time. Hiccup had become a very important part of her life. More so, it seemed, than even breathing…

She had ignored him, for a time. She had a few snippets of memories. They'd played together as children. The death of her uncle Finn had caused her to stop everything, and focus on being the best. The best warrior, the best...She gulped dryly, -the best dragon killer. She hadn't ignored the messes he always made. And she hadn't forgotten how tired she had been cleaning up after him…

But lo, and behold. A late afternoon-early evening flight, and her mind(and her heart, -though she would beat anyone to a pulp that suggested it) was changed. Their battle and defeat of the Red Death had changed all of their lives for the better. She had kissed him on impulse then. He had saved her. He had sacrificed himself for her, -and everyone else. Any other feelings at the time were easily stamped out…

The feelings had grown more in the years after. He had been a part of her life then(at last). He had shown her his potential as a leader. He had shown his bravery and cunning. And he had shown his generosity and his heart. She had kissed him again after losing(on purpose, -she was sure of it) to Snotlout at the Thawfest Games. She had wanted to(really, _really_ wanted to) kiss him again, after spending a sleepless, -seemingly endless night worrying about him after that SpeedStinger attack. It was then that she realized the feelings could no longer be ignored.

And now, after learning of the trappers existence...After all their scrapes and battles...After discovering all the new dragons. -After finally connecting with Heather. After thinking her life as a warrior and dragon rider was finished...He had gone and saved her again. Now there could be no doubt. There was no longer any question in her mind -or her heart, how much he cared for her. It had caused the feelings she had kept down for so long to finally burst forth. -Well, there had been a few doubts, until...Until…

That kiss...That wonderful, _wonderful_ kiss they'd shared on the deck at sunset. She swore she could still feel it. Even a few weeks removed. She could feel it. The soft press of his lips against hers. The tingly warmth that had spread through her body. It was there. Every time she saw him. Every time they locked eyes.

And now, as she watched Heather and the others walk away, the feelings congealed. Condensing to a tiny ball in her chest. The weight of it was crushing. Not the feelings themselves, -just the thought...the thought…

She acted purely on instinct. A tiny brush of Hiccups' pinky against hers was all it took. She grabbed him by the wrist and ran. Across the deck, over to the narrow walkway beside the clubhouse. She could barely hear Hiccup calling her name in surprise and confusion. She would apologize...Later...For now, she just ran…

Behind the clubhouse, and there! She let go of his wrist and jumped onto the cliffside. She found her handholds and started climbing. Hiccup still calling. She only barely heard him through the blood pounding her ears and her chest. Up, -up she went. She stopped only briefly at the top to make sure he was following, -and safe. When he finally reached her. She took him by the hand, and started running again…

Where was she going? What was she _doing_? She didn't know...She didn't _know_...She ran on. She knew where now, it was close by. One of a few spots she would train. She would go there after a late watch or patrol. It was a good thing, because her eyes were now shut. Closed tightly against the water that had welled up in them. -For no reason. Well, there was only, only...She couldn't allow that right now...She had to get there, to that spot…

She let go of him as they cleared the underbrush. Her momentum carried her some more steps and she stopped. She bent over, placing her hands on her knees. She breathed deeply trying to calm herself. What was she _doing_? To what purpose had she drug him up here, worried and confused? What was _wrong_ with her? She was beginning to feel she'd gone mad. Her own thoughts were confirmed a breath later…

"Astrid?" That voice... _His_ voice. That wonderful sound. The sound she had become so used to, and now was something she counted on hearing every day...Much as the birds or insects calling. -As much as Stormflys' welcome greeting every morning. It was then something cracked. What if...What happens…

She stamped the life out of those thoughts. She turned around and finally opened her eyes. She could barely see, but there he was. Hiccup...There was an extremely worried look on his face. He was the one thing, the one person she had come to...Love? Was that it? Was this the feeling? What she had been ignoring? Strangling with all her might to no avail...For all this time? She wasn't sure...She wasn't positive. But, - _Hiccup_...He had come to mean so much to her, so essential to her...What…

She closed her eyes tightly. She stomped up to him. She raised her arms and grabbed him by the shoulders. She pushed him back, he nearly stumbled, but she held him firm. She pushed him until he collided with that tree. A breath or two later she pushed down, Forcing him onto his butt. She released him as he slid down.

"Astrid?" He sounded even more worried and confused. And she was, -more confused than worried, -but still...She took a half-step to her right. Her arms hanging loosely at her sides. The sound of his voice caused another crack. What if…The worst...She let go. The weight crushing her completely, as if someone had dropped a whole island on top of her. She dropped to her knees. And after a moment sat on her left cheek...She threw her arms around his neck…And she cried…

Wave after wave of unpleasant possibilities crashed upon her. Perhaps she was being silly, -but she couldn't help it...After finally, - _finally_ recognizing it, and having her feelings confirmed, -and _returned_ , she realized...It was too much. She was reduced to this...This sobbing glob of…But it was only her and her Hiccup...She supposed...it was OK…

"Oh Hiccup! - _Hiccup_! What...What if…What happens...What if it all goes badly? What if something happens? What if...What if one of us..." She couldn't hold it in anymore. She felt like...That time she fell off Stormfly...Or the time she was ill from the plague...Near...Near...Death! She felt almost like she was dying inside. She buried her face in his neck. Her body shook uncontrollably. What would she do if she lost him? She didn't, -couldn't think about it. -And possibly, -more worse than that, what would he do? What, what would it do to him if she, -if she died?

"Shhh, -Astrid..." -And there it was...His breath ghosting over her neck was like a soft breeze blowing away the fog in her mind. His arms wrapped around her...His fingers gently started tracing her spine. -And just like that, the waves crashing into her like a roiling sea were calmed. This she felt, was what it was like. To love, and be loved...She relaxed. The shaking of her body dwindled. The thoughts remained…

"Hiccup? What if this all goes wrong? What if we lose the Edge for good? What if this fight never ends?" The thoughts remained, but her mind and body stilled. After a few short moments his voice vibrating in his chest calmed her even more…

"-What if the sun, or the moon didn't rise? What if the stars never came out? What if the seas around us turned...Pink?" She stilled, -That was...That wasn't even...She straightened and drew away from him, narrowing her eyes...But there...There was a twinkle in his eyes. That crooked smile...Her ire was placated...A little...Until he took her by the face…

"Astrid! Enough what ifs!" He shook gently, then drew her in. He kissed her tenderly on the forehead. He let go, and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She relaxed once more. Her arms snaked around his waist on their own. He was right...His heartbeat in her ear calmed her even more. She squeezed him tightly.

"We can't get caught up in what might happen...No one but the Gods themselves know, Astrid! We have right now, -and what we can do is plan, and see what happens after..." She nodded against his chest, and hugged him tighter still. Yes, they had right now...And was it? Yes, -now more than ever...Because, -who knows?

"Hiccup? -I love you!" She squeezed again. She felt a kiss on top of her head, and after a small pause...rested his cheek on it. His arms tightened around her. Pressing her into that...Gods-forsaken armor...But it still felt right…

"I love you Astrid! -So very much!" She caught the slightest waver in his voice. Maybe he'd had his own doubts, -but...Right here, -right now...Was the only place she wanted to be...In the arms of someone she loved…

 _Fin~_

 **A/N: It appears...I'm on a roll...Enjoy!**


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